The day you have a baby will be the death of you
I have this clock that ticks in my head, and with every tick it says:
Everything you ever wanted to do, everything you wanted to try: go do it now.
Do it now because one day you’ll get married and have a baby and then that will be the death of you. That will be the death of this life, of the life that you get to live one-hundred-percent for yourself.
It may be the death of you but it is the birth of another you, the birth of you and your own family. Supposedly in this next life you will care so much for another being that all the selfish things you used to care about won’t matter anymore. You don’t really understand this now, you certainly don’t feel it now, but supposedly when the time comes some hormones will fire and then it will all make sense.
Well next life sounds nice and all but right now you love this life.
So if you dream of playing the cello but thought maybe you were too old to learn, you better do it now. Do it now because before you know it, you won’t get to take lessons – instead you’ll be driving your screaming child to lessons.
If you dream of moving to a new city, a new country, do it now. If you dream of making stupid mistakes, do it now. If you dream of dancing, of falling in love, of starting your own company, of directing your own film, do it now.
Do it now because the day you have a child – well, maybe you’ll still get to do it. But you can damn well be sure it won’t be so easy.
Happy Birthday. Tick tock.
maybe more than goals, we should cultivate *habits*, habits that we can carry and apply, regardless of the first, second, third or xth life which we happen to be expressing. habits like curiosity, focus, experimentation, learning.
+0:01
Hi Karen,
I think you’re spot on, but allow me to share some additional context based on 5 years of being a parent.
First, an analogy: when you are single, your needs are P1. When you get married, your relationship becomes P1, and your needs become P2. When you have a kid, your kids needs become P1, your relationship becomes P2 (you could arguably switch these), and your needs become P3. From one ex-Excel PM to another, we know what happens to P3 features
I had two distinct moments that made me realize my life had irreversibly changed once I became a parent. The first was when I realized that making my daughter happy brought me more joy than anything I could do for myself. Suddenly all the things I wanted to do for myself were less important. The other was during a night at the emergency room, when I realized I wouldn’t hesitate to give up my life to protect her. These two moments framed my life in a whole new context, and I am unquestionably a better person because of it.
Now that my daughter is five, the cool thing is that I’m starting to get parts of my old life back. We just went on our first hike together. We ride bikes together. We’re going camping this weekend. She’s starting ski lessons this winter. We’re taking progressively adventurous trips as a family – and she loves it. So in a way my old life is starting to come back, but in a way that allows me to experience all the things I used to love doing again through her eyes. And this just makes them even better.
So yes, definitely live your life to the fullest. But having kids is not really the death of you. It’s more like a rebirth. And going back to the shipping analogy: a release needs a blend of P1s, P2s, AND P3s in order to be awesome. I’m confident that you’ll be up to the challenge when the time comes
Happy Birthday!!
Abhinav – totally agree with this one, cultivating habits/mindsets, curiosity and experimentation spoke to me especially
Dave – The P1/P2/P3 was a great analogy, really appreciate hearing a parent’s perspective on this one.
love your passion, Karen. and love the perspective, Dave.