I feel pain.

A while back I went through a breakup. This one was especially painful. But as I lay there I remembered a story a teacher once told me. Over the next few days I said it to myself over and over again.

There was an old man who lived in a village with his son. They had a horse, and one day the horse ran away.
The villagers said to the man, “how unlucky!”
The old man shrugged it off. “Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. I don’t know.”

The next day, the horse came back. And it brought with it a wild horse.
And the villagers all thought, “how lucky!”
Again the old man said, “Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. I don’t know.”

The next day, the son was trying to train the wild horse. As he was trying to ride it, the horse threw him off, and the son broke his leg.
And the villagers said, “How unlucky!”
And the old man said, “Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. I don’t know.”

The next day, a nearby village was attacked, and all the able-bodied young men were drafted for war. The son, having broken his leg the day before, was spared.

Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. I don’t know.

I concocted my own version of this story for my newly fresh breakup. Maybe, had we stayed together, it would have been a life of heartbreak and misery. Or maybe it would have been a lifetime of happiness, but on our very next date we would have gotten into a car accident and been killed. Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. I don’t know.

It’s so easy to go through life labeling everything that happens as good or bad. But you don’t know how things will play out. It’s not good or bad. It just is.

It’s so easy to label emotions, too. Joy is good. Pain is bad.

There’s a girl who literally cannot feel pain. Her nerves don’t send pain signals to her brain like they’re supposed to. Whereas you or I would touch a burning flame and immediately jerk back, she could just leave her finger there. And she’d always be picking at her eyes – it didn’t hurt. By the time she was 4, her left eye was so damaged that it had to be removed.

Appreciate joy. Appreciate pain, too. Let yourself feel lonely. Let yourself cry. Let yourself be unhappy and from it learn what makes you happy. Let yourself feel pain. It’s there to be experienced, it’s there to teach and protect.

It’s not good or bad, it just is.